Vestiges of Thyroid Cancer

I am a thyroid cancer survivor. While undergoing a routine physical, my doctor noticed a lump in my neck and ordered an ultrasound. When the ultrasound showed a nodule greater than 1 cm, she ordered a fine needle aspiration (FNA). Going into the procedure, I was comforted by the fact that 95 percent of thyroid nodules are benign. Mine came back suspicious for cancer. A second FNA confirmed that I was in the 1 percent of the U.S. population diagnosed with thyroid cancer.

Both my doctor and my surgeon assured me that my cancer was “the best cancer to have,” as there is a 5-year survival rate of over 97 percent. I was told that I needed surgery to remove my thyroid and then I would have to take a pill a day for the rest of my life but that I would be able to lead a normal life. Sounds easy, right? Not so fast! Since I underwent my thyroidectomy 5 years ago, I've experienced a number of complications:

• Vocal cord paralysis resulting in the loss of speech;
• Decreased lung capacity due to the paralysis;
• Difficulty swallowing;
• Calcium deficiency as my parathyroid glands were touched during surgery;
• Pregnancy ban for 1 year;
• Allergies, including to my life-saving thyroid medication;
• Fast pulse and heart palpitations;
• Anxiety;
• Fatigue and brain fog;
• Dry mouth; 
• Burning mouth; and
• Dry eyes.

Thyroid cancer patients have to be placed in a hyperthyroid state to keep the cancer away, but it is difficult to get the correct dosage that also minimizes the myriad of side effects. So, instead of one pill a day, I currently take 15 pills daily! In addition, my cancer had spread outside of my thyroid; so, I had to undergo radioactive iodine treatment. Under quarantine, I took my radioactive pill and engaged in a nuclear war with my renegade thyroid cells! However, at the 1-year mark, my endocrinologist told me that she may never be able to declare me in remission.

Sounds horrible, right? How can any doctor say that I have the “best cancer?” Looking back on the last five years, I could easily have become depressed, but instead I chose to be happy and find ways to thrive.

• When I was told that my vocal cord paralysis was permanent after a year with no voice, I used visualization techniques daily for 6 months, believing that I would one day speak again. According to my ENT, it was a one in a million chance to be able to speak normally and scream with a paralyzed vocal cord. I did it!
• When my endocrinologist told me that I may never be in remission, it could have devastated me, but instead, I simply said, “I am in remission. You just don't realize it yet!” I never stopped believing, and at the 4-year mark, she finally agreed with my assessment!
• When I take my thyroid medication upon waking each morning, I give thanks that I am alive and have a beautiful life! It's a daily reminder to start the day out right!
• I stay in tune with my body, exercising regularly and striving (though not always achieving) to get 8 hours of sleep a night. I've recently begun taking a kundalini yoga class to help build my lung capacity and reduce stress.
• I embrace laughter. My domestic partner takes his job of making me laugh seriously. He has me in stitches every day! And my 91-year old grandmother is a riot! Laughter is truly the best medicine!
• I created a bucket list. My list stretches me to get outside my comfort zone, to try new things, and to live life to the fullest. One of my goals is to run a 5K, which has been unattainable to date because of my decreased lung capacity, but I've set the intention and know that I'll be successful even if I have to crawl over the finish line wearing an oxygen mask! And after that, I want to go hiking in Nepal!

Yes, I face challenges in my life as a result of the vestiges of thyroid cancer. There are days that I don't have the energy to get out of bed, but I do anyway. There are days that I can't think clearly, but I laugh about it and keep trying. Why? Because every day is a miracle to me. That I am alive without my thyroid, the organ that regulates the body, is a miracle! That I regained my speech is a miracle! That I am in remission is a miracle! Yes, I live with the vestiges of thyroid cancer. As a result, my life is so much richer!

Reclaiming My Voice

Five years ago, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, and my life changed. At the time of diagnosis, I had a bolt of clarity that I needed to reassess my life, but the change didn't occur immediately or swiftly. For me, it has been a gradual process of learning, changing, and growing. Little did I know the winding path that I would end up taking or the lessons of life that I would learn along the way.

My cancer is “the best cancer to have” as told by many doctors because it has the highest survival rate. I happen to be in the 1 percent where a specific complication arose. The nerve to my vocal cord was severed when the surgeon removed an infected lymph node that had grown around my vocal cord. It left me with vocal cord paralysis on the right side, limited lung capacity, and no voice. This was definitely not the 1 percent of the population that I was striving to be!

For 18 months, I did not have my voice. I could not speak normally. I could not use tone inflection. I could not scream, but I wanted to on many occasions! I could only whisper – a soft whisper at that. I lost my ability to be heard. Even my dog would look at me quizzically when I gave him a command!

At a year, I was told that the reattached nerve wasn't working and that I would never get my voice back. I was devastated! And then I began visualization therapy on my own. I visualized the neurons firing from my brain down to my vocal cord and then making a sharp right turn down the muscles of my throat. Think Space Invaders with a twist. I did this every day for 6 months. 

According to my doctor, it was a one in a million chance, but the muscles surrounding my vocal cord picked up the slack. While my vocal cord is still paralyzed, I can speak normally and use tone inflection. It took another year before I could scream again, but being chased by Chucky in the House of Horrors at Universal Studios solved that problem! 

During my journey, I learned a valuable lesson. I did not know what my voice was worth until I lost it. And then I began to see how precious it was. I realized that I had not used it properly. I had minimized my voice. Before, I did not voice my dreams. Before, I did not speak up when being verbally abused. Before, I thought I could keep from dwelling on problems if I did not vocalize them. Before, I thought that if I didn't say much, people wouldn't realize that I was not perfect. Now, I speak up if I don't agree. Now, I tell someone if they hurt me. Now, I don't hide my imperfections because they are part of me. Now, I speak of my dreams and work to achieve them. Of course, I stumble at times – sometimes more often than not – and dip head first into my old habits. However, as I become aware, I refocus my efforts.

This blog is the next step in reclaiming my voice. I hope that you, the readers, will benefit from the insights that I've gained but also help me puzzle out the pieces of my life where I don't have clarity yet. I invite you to come along on this journey with me and see where we both end up!