Christmas 2014

Christmas 2014

As a child, Christmas was a magical time of year for me. We weren't allowed to decorate our Christmas tree until after December 11, my sister's birthday. But, on December 12, the tree and Christmas decorations went up, and my parents went to baking all kinds of Christmas goodies. On Christmas Eve, we would attend the Christmas Eve service and then my mom's family would gather together to exchange gifts. And on Christmas morning, my brother and I would rush into the living room to see all the presents from Santa and would wake our parents with our screams of delight! After we had opened our gifts and played with our new toys, we would head to our grandparent's home for Christmas dinner. There, we would quickly eat and then spend the rest of the day playing with our cousins. My Christmases as a child were filled with love, laughter, and joy!

And then I became an adult. Christmas lost its magic. It became filled with sadness, lies, broken promises, fear, and then cancer. It's only been since Ben came into my life that I've begun to truly enjoy Christmas again. But still I have my moments. This Christmas season, I sent out Christmas cards and gifts of love to my family as usual, but for the first time in years, I finally allowed myself to cry when my family forgot about me yet again. It was a good cathartic cry. Ben just held me as my heartache poured out with my tears. My best friend called and simply said, “That's why you have friends...because we care about you.”

So, on Christmas morning, I woke up to gifts from Ben, his family, and my friends under the Christmas tree. And as I opened each gift, I could feel the love and the thought that was put into each selection. I hope that they could feel my love to them when they opened theirs as well. I then made a Southern-style Christmas dinner for the two of us, and we spoke to my grandmother and Ben's family on the phone. And then we simply enjoyed being together. It was another step in my lifeshift to make a healthy living for myself.  

A Grandmother's Wisdom

My Grandmother

 My grandmother celebrated her 91^st birthday yesterday. She totally rocked it! She grew up in the South during the Great Depression, raised by a widowed mother with a house full of children. In her early teens, she fell in love and married my grandfather. They worked the family farm together until he passed away in 2007. She was a widow after 68 years of marriage.

My grandmother is interspersed throughout my childhood memories. If there was a child, there was a chore to be completed! I am an expert dishwasher because of her! By her side, I learned how to milk a cow, to churn butter, to make grape jelly, and to plant a garden. I loved sitting with her on her front porch shelling peas and beans during the summer.

My grandmother is a fabulous cook! Her homemade biscuits with honey and a glass of sweet tea makes a tummy ache quickly disappear! Her chicken and dumplings are delicious, and her squash pie is THE BEST EVER! I will fight anyone over the last slice of that pie, and I will win! Unfortunately, I was too busy washing dishes to learn how to cook from her!  Well, except that I make a wicked squash pie if I do say so myself!    

In my early adulthood, I rebelled at the life my grandmother wanted for me. She wanted all her granddaughters to be married at 18 or soon after so that our husbands would take care and provide for us. I wanted to take care of myself. She wanted me to live close by. I wanted to explore the world. My grandmother wanted me to have the life that she knew and that was comfortable to her. I wanted the life that I dreamed about. As I lived my true life, her views evolved. When others commented negatively to her that I wasn't married, she began telling them that she didn't worry about me as I could take care of myself. When discussing the possibility of marriage recently, my grandmother surprised me by saying that it doesn't matter if Ben and I ever get married, as long as we are in love and are committed to each other. She said that we should get married if that's what we want to do, but not because others expect it of us.

My grandmother and I have become even closer since my mother and grandfather died. She is the mother-figure in my life. I call her when I need comfort and prayer. I call her when I need advice. Below are two major life lessons that I have learned from her that I wanted to share.

1. It is better to laugh than cry.

Life may be difficult, but you feel better if you laugh. She learned this from her mother when she was growing up in the Great Depression. I love seeing her with Ben because the two of them never stop laughing! During her birthday call, I told her that she needed to tell Ben to stop tickling me. Her response: Tickling is good for the soul!

2. Believe

My grandmother is both religious and spiritual. She is a firm believer in the power of prayer. It is not unusual to hear her speaking in tongues when she feels led by God and for healing to occur. I pray, but when you add my grandmother's prayers to mine, it's like electricity fills the air. She definitely taps into positive energy and sends it flowing to the person in need. I tell her that she has a hotline to God!

Happy Birthday Dad!

Dad & me

Today is my dad's birthday. He would have been 76 today if he were alive. He was 33 when I was born, but, sadly, he passed away at age 52, when I was 19 years old. It's hard to believe that he's been gone longer than the number of years that I had him in my life. But what an impact he made!

Dad & Mom, Marine Corps Ball 1975

 My dad was a Marine. He served from 1956 to 1976 when he retired as a Gunnery Sergeant. He completed 3 tours in Vietnam, and, for his bravery and efforts, he received the Bronze Star and 2 Purple Hearts. He taught me to be proud of my country and that serving the public good was noble. Hearing his tales about his travels around the world made me yearn to travel as well. He is one of the biggest reasons that I help the most vulnerable – children – in Africa today.

Dad's college graduation day

 My dad was a scholar. His IQ was that of a genius. He excelled in math and science, teaching physics in the Marine Corps with only a high school degree. Upon his retirement at age 38, he enrolled in college, earning his bachelor's degree, summa cum laude, 4 years later. Seeing him walk across the stage to get his degree made me want to do the same! In high school, I learned geometry, chemistry and physics by studying with my dad each night. He was my own personal tutor.

My dad was a survivor. The year before his retirement, my dad spent the entire year being treated at Bethesda Naval Hospital. He had developed a never before seen kidney disease, possibly due to Agent Orange during his time in Vietnam. He retired with 100 percent disability. When I was 6, I found him in the bathroom vomiting blood and near death. He was given a 5 percent chance to live and spent 2 months in intensive care. He lived another 13 years before succumbing to a heart attack. From him, I learned to never give up! This has come in handy during my own health struggles.

My dad was a loving husband and father. He was loyal to his friends. He loved to laugh. He loved life. But, he wasn't perfect. My parents argued upon occasion. He was forgetful and embarrassing at times to his high school daughter. Yet, every night before bed, he would give me a hug and tell me that he loved me.

To sum my dad up in one word: AWESOME!!!