After reading my first blog post, a
friend confessed that she struggles with finding her voice and noted
her surprise that I did as well. Her next statement stunned me and
had me conducting an introspective analysis all week – “You make life look
easy.” I do? Really? How? Since when? How am I not even aware of that? Why am I not aware of that? And then I realized that our
friendship developed after my major life events and that maybe she
saw me using the coping tools that I gained from those experiences in
stressful situations.
Life is not easy for anyone, but I have
come to realize that my life is what I make of it. No one else is
responsible for my thoughts and actions but me. I have to be willing to use my voice. I have to be willing
to put in the time and effort to assess how I respond to a situation,
find tools that will help me cope, and then actively use those tools.
Sitting in the driver's seat while cruising down the road of life, I
oftentimes see open road and beautiful scenery. But, when I least
expect it, there are signs along the road saying SLOW DOWN or CAUTION
or DETOUR AHEAD. After these signs, I usually come across potholes,
large and small. If I am paying attention to the signs, I am able to
navigate carefully around, but sometimes I swerve recklessly. At
other times, signs stating STOP or DANGER seem to pop up quickly
because a sinkhole is looming right out of sight. I hit a sinkhole
once in my life but averted another. I don't like sinkholes. Once is enough for me.
SINKHOLE: I was striving for excellence
in my chosen career. I made a determined effort to climb the ladder
of success as fast as I could. I wanted to be the best, and I put in
the work needed and reaped the rewards. And then my mother became
ill. I became Super Tanya, teleworking full-time so that I could
care for her full-time – and during Hurricane Katrina no less. And
then my mother died. I was grieving, while at the same time managing
her estate, dealing with family and relationship issues, being promoted to
management and leading a high profile project. With the pillar of my
support network gone, I blindly ran the STOP sign and blew through
the DANGER barricade. I found myself freefalling into a sinkhole!
Yet, with the help of a therapist and my friends, I found coping
tools that I began to use and shored up my support network, allowing
me to climb out of the sinkhole with their assistance.
SINKHOLE AVERTED: During my thyroid
cancer journey and resulting vocal cord paralysis, I began to skid
towards another sinkhole, but I managed to stop in time by using the
coping tools I had put in my tool box from my first sinkhole
experience and learning new ones. I proactively sought out the
therapist and spent quality time with my friends. My favorite memory
of this time was when I was in isolation following radioactive iodine
therapy, and my best friend called long distance every day to read me
Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love. I set up boundaries at
work, turning in my blackberry and ending work outside of business
hours. I joined a gym to strengthen my body and to help alleviate
some of my stress. I learned the importance of my voice and how to use it. In fact, I learned to say NO! I began to laugh more. And
most importantly, I began shifting my focus to being positive and
living a more wholehearted life.
My life is not easy even if others
perceive it to look so. I have to work darn hard at it! I still have a very demanding job and, with it, a
lot of stress. Seriously, a lot of stress! Having no thyroid, I
deal with medical issues on a daily basis. Of course, there are
family and relationship challenges as well. And while I try to eat
healthy, there are days that I slide back into stress eating. The
difference is that now I am more aware of myself. I listen to my
body. I seek out my support network. I laugh every day. If I slip
into negativity or stress eating, I focus and do better the next day.
And I believe in myself wholeheartedly!
LIFE LESSON: Life is not easy, but
your life is what you make of it. Believe in yourself, and don't be
ashamed to ask for assistance to avert a sinkhole or to get out of one!
