My partner Ben had an epiphany about me on Saturday. It
was in the morning, and I was quietly reading in the living room. He
looked down at me from the balcony and said, “You have an addictive
personality.” I asked how he made that deduction. His response:
“You never put down your Kindle. I've watched you for the past
month, and you're reading every chance you get. You are addicted to
your Kindle!” Sadly, it's true.
I first realized that I have an
addictive personality the summer before sixth grade. My parents
bought an Atari, and I spent a large part of every day playing
Frogger to the exclusion of all else. Getting to the next level was
like a drug for me. When school started again, I made the wise
decision to give up video games because I knew that I was addicted.
So, I went cold turkey. To this day, I don't play games on Facebook,
and I've never owned a Nintendo, Playstation or Wi.
Knowing that I have an addictive
personality, I never experimented with smoking or drugs for fear of
where that experimentation would lead. I also rarely drink alcohol
or gamble, and if I do, I set strict limits. I thought that I had
all my bases covered until I realized that I had an addiction to
Coca-Cola, which began around sixth grade. I drank Coke every day,
and when stressed, I would immediately reach for a Coke. It was my
coping mechanism. And then last year, I began feeling horrible when
I drank Coke. My eyelids would break out, and I would get headaches,
nausea, and hives. Yet, despite feeling ill, I would have such
intense cravings that I would drink another Coke. I was tested for
allergies and was found to be allergic to two ingredients in soft
drinks. I also found out that ingesting foods to which I am allergic
causes the pleasure centers of my brain to light up, making me crave
them more. I again went cold turkey. It has been nine months since
I had a Coke, and I still have intense cravings. If I see a Coke, I
can taste the flavor and feel the bubbles. This is why my house is a
Coke-free zone.
As you probably guessed, there is a
pattern to my addictions. When I stopped drinking Coke, I substituted
reading as my coping mechanism. If I get stressed, out comes the
Kindle for a break from reality. Yes, I am addicted to reading! I
take my Kindle everywhere. The one-click button is my downfall! My
favorite time of the day is riding the Metro to and from work because I can read uninterrupted. If you have to have an addiction, I would
assume that reading is a better one to have. At least I am exercising my
brain, instead of killing off brain cells!
Still, having Ben call me on it, made
me aware that by reading so much, I am missing out on being present
in the moment. But this addiction is tricky...it's not possible to
go cold turkey and give up reading. I realized that I am going to
have to wean the hours that I read down. So, today, I limited myself
to a morning of reading (hey it was a holiday!) and then promised Ben
that I would put my Kindle away. Okay, it helped that my battery ran
low, and I admit that I did sneak and download a couple of books.
However, I haven't read anything on the Kindle since this morning,
even though I am jonesing too!
I know that as I go through the weaning
process, I will need to be vigilant to prevent myself from going mindlessly into
another addiction. And, more importantly, I need to analyze why I am
using all these coping mechanisms and then be willing to work on resolving those issues. My life is definitely a work in progress!
LIFE LESSON: Addictions come in all
forms, not just alcohol, drugs, or gambling. Even reading can be an
addiction if you singly focus on it to the detriment of other parts
of your life. Don't be afraid to be present in the moment!
