Christmas 2014

Christmas 2014

As a child, Christmas was a magical time of year for me. We weren't allowed to decorate our Christmas tree until after December 11, my sister's birthday. But, on December 12, the tree and Christmas decorations went up, and my parents went to baking all kinds of Christmas goodies. On Christmas Eve, we would attend the Christmas Eve service and then my mom's family would gather together to exchange gifts. And on Christmas morning, my brother and I would rush into the living room to see all the presents from Santa and would wake our parents with our screams of delight! After we had opened our gifts and played with our new toys, we would head to our grandparent's home for Christmas dinner. There, we would quickly eat and then spend the rest of the day playing with our cousins. My Christmases as a child were filled with love, laughter, and joy!

And then I became an adult. Christmas lost its magic. It became filled with sadness, lies, broken promises, fear, and then cancer. It's only been since Ben came into my life that I've begun to truly enjoy Christmas again. But still I have my moments. This Christmas season, I sent out Christmas cards and gifts of love to my family as usual, but for the first time in years, I finally allowed myself to cry when my family forgot about me yet again. It was a good cathartic cry. Ben just held me as my heartache poured out with my tears. My best friend called and simply said, “That's why you have friends...because we care about you.”

So, on Christmas morning, I woke up to gifts from Ben, his family, and my friends under the Christmas tree. And as I opened each gift, I could feel the love and the thought that was put into each selection. I hope that they could feel my love to them when they opened theirs as well. I then made a Southern-style Christmas dinner for the two of us, and we spoke to my grandmother and Ben's family on the phone. And then we simply enjoyed being together. It was another step in my lifeshift to make a healthy living for myself.